To Lift Someone

It seems as though when you want someone to achieve and be better, it gets harder and harder every step. They see that you are doing your part and the dedication you’re putting into their hands so they can improve dramatically. All of a sudden, you see they want to give up. All the time and effort wasted, gone. What do you do to turn them back and motivate them? Normally I would get upset, but the position I see myself in, I want them to succeed. It’s what they’ve been complaining to me forever about. It bothers me that people are actually dedicated to teach them to improve in areas’ they’ve always desired to, but soon after, they call it quits. Why?

Teaching at a local church, a fellow gentlemen called me to see if I could teach him the bass guitar so he could be up on stage and play with the band. I always told him “yes of course whenever you have the time let me know when you want to start learning.”So as time went on I noticed it did seem like he was really passionate to learn. That he was willing to give up time to dedicate his focus to learn this instrument. I was excited in fact because I hardly ever taught any instruments to people, it’s something I never felt comfortable with nor did I have any idea where to start. We scheduled an appointment where to meet and what time. Throughout the last two months I started him off with great knowledge on the basics. He learned the simple chords of A,B,C,D,E,F, and G. It was tough, he’s used to another version they taught him which is completely useless because the band reads chords accordingly to what is setted up. One thing about him is that it seems he gets impatient and off balanced when the band plays. He usually will wonder off into his own little world and just play an off balanced rhythm. One of the fellow band mates gets irritated so I have to confront him about, and that’s why I’m there, so he can be great and improve from where I leave him off.

This recent month seems he’s been putting his effort along well, but his lack of patience keeps jolting him off and it just doesn’t work well. Sometimes I have to get a little more aggressive in response because he sticks to the usual when he gets lost. I see that it’s perhaps a last resort type of thing when you get of note and improvise to get yourself back on track, but with this man he keeps repeating that same rhythm over and over. I want this guy to achieve, I want to get him to where he wants to get but it’s difficult explaining to him that his ways of doing what he’s doing is irrelevant. His body language shows me that he’s nervous, he doesn’t know what else to do. I help him every step of the way but I don’t know what else I could do so he could understand more effectively. I’m doing what I can on my part putting pieces together so it makes it a lot easier for him.

Today he calls in saying he won’t be able to make it. I respond what’s the reasoning behind this. He explains to me that he feels he can’t make it, that he will fail and learning the instrument is too much on his hands. But after all this time we have gone through and he’s already learned so much from where he started he decides to give up? I acted accordingly and told him that that’s too bad, I wanted to see him succeed and play on stage up with the band. There was a moment of silence in the conversation. All he could come up with is that he knows. I can’t take that, this man has to be motivated. I complimented his playing abilities so far saying “your playing is great so far keep it up, lets keep learning you can do this.” He lacks that no one hasn’t complimented him, people are saying he is no good. He will fall and never get back up to succeed in his ability to learn.

As a leadership role in my mind, I want to push this guy to the limit. I want to make sure he gets passed that limit as soon as he gets there. I can’t have this guy give up. Giving up means you’re giving up on your dream, on me, on anyone who thought he could go for it. He has to experience achievement and what it feels like. I don’t know how long it’s been since he experienced accomplishment. I’m sure it’s a goal he would love to get, but with that mentality who will? So what would you do? After all this time, hard-work, motivation to get him up and practice and motivate him to learn some new methods of playing the instrument. What ways could be done to get him back up? Do I have to influence him again? I understand communication is key. Without effective and clear communication, we all fall and get no where. Is this part of struggles leaders deal with? He’s not bothering nor demotivating the band, but I actually want this man to achieve what he’s been desiring a long time for. It bothers me, but there has to be ways I can get him up and running again. What’s causing him of course would be one of the key questions. Perhaps someone close to him keeps telling him he’s failing or wife telling him he’s wasting his time learning the instrument. Either way I will continue and see what could be done.

As a response to this, what can be done? Has anyone had struggles where you pour your hard work onto someone and soon after they call it quits or use their special training skills they’ve gained from you only to use it somewhere else? What ways can motivation get back into his life?

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