Monthly Archives: April 2013

Eye to Eye Avoidance: Conflict at Church

Many people come and go for those that have attended church for so long. We meet great people and the not so great. Something that came to mind was that over time I’ve seen drama explode inside the church and people making their decision to part ways. People part ways for the reasoning of a disagreement they had with someone, gossiping, or perhaps loss interest and failed to solve the problem.

If we ever accidentally see them again at a restaurant, church attendees house or anywhere outside the church facilities, there are three things I’ve seen occur. They come over to warmly greet you being accepting, they acknowledge you and move on not to start a conversation or they’d simply ignore you not see eye to eye. So what I ask is for those that ignore them, are they still upset over the argument they had? Could they not move on from the past? Is it simply the fact that they feel ashamed when they look at them or are they holding a grudge?

Going to a marriage accompanying my parents, I got the chance to greet old friends and people I grew up with when I was young. These people to me are great, they learned so much, grew and went their ways to improve the lives of others. They are the ones who left the organization for their own reasoning but are always loving with open arms happy to greet you warmly. And then on the other side there are those that left because of rough arguments and gossip. Their expressions on some of their faces was priceless, that surprised look and quickly looking down pretending they haven’t noticed us. I wouldn’t know what’s going through their mind, but maybe it’s an embarrassment feel because they look as if they’re hiding. This is the part where either one of us has to step up and lead. Going up to them, they have this cold facial expression, they’re not too pleased of the greet. Their body language is not showing interest rather moving away. So I spoke with them how they’ve been and their responses were very short. My thoughts are what’s going on? Are they still upset over the argument?

I don’t have a clear remembrance of the speaker’s entire quote, but i captured one important statement. It is stating that “Hate is a waste of time.” When we keep hating someone, we are putting valuable time thinking about that one person and instead we should use that time benefiting from something else. We are not all perfect and we may have disagreements about a certain part, but we have to learn to move on. I’ve seen people where they have disagreement about a certain topic although they may have the same agreements about other issues. After battling it out on one certain issue they no longer see each other eye to eye nor speak to each other. They perhaps are waiting on one another to see who will step up and take the lead.

What are the process you do to solve this issue? Is there a certain time given before you start speaking with this person again after having a conflict? Did it go good or bad? How has it benefited you learning from this experience? Hope we can all come to realize that when this occurs, you have to take the lead.

Don’t Break It: Keeping Success Growing

“It’s easy to give up and fail than to continue growing forward.”

I don’t know if there’s a quote like that where I’ve read, but this morning it just came to mind. Going through Facebook looking at the great friends and people I’ve met through the years they all have one thing in common, they’ve continued to grow and carry on with themselves. I see they’re doing so well, some are starting to have a family, others joining the army preparing to be deployed. It brings a smile on my face knowing the people I grew up with are continuing their success. As for me, something I focus myself in is to keep growing through this embarkment which I choose to take.

Visiting my family in Boston last year for Christmas, many of them I had the chance to meet for the first time since more than 8 years; it’s been a while. Having the chance to catch up on things, most already had kids. One had a new born while the other had three kids already, I’m glad to see that they’re doing well and being safe. One of my cousins’ asks “So how come you don’t have any kids?” I have a slight pause and answer her that I feel that I’m still too young to have kids at my age, although there may be some people that think the age of 23 is appropriate to have kids.  It felt as if I was left out because everyone was growing families and I was seen as the selfish one. Thing is I can choose to have kids grow a family and carry on with my life, but what I have focused in mind is too big for it. Not that it’s such a demeaning move, but I want continuous growth to succeed and  having more responsibility increases the risks of failing those goals I have set myself in.

The past years of reading John C. Maxwell, Seth Godin, Guy Kawasaki, Zig Ziglar, and many more books, I felt that I have gained such great knowledge from them. I want to keep continuing my success to grow. Books are a nourishment for the mind, and I plan to use it so I can grow forward.

However, sometimes it comes across that it seems so complex that after all this much of listening to these speakers and trying to come up with ideas and methods of improving myself, that I can just drop it, let go, give up and just carry on with whatever life throws at me. But reality is I just can’t, it’s not in my mind to even have it mentioned. Something I talked about in earlier post about discipline. When it’s looked at, failure is a simple task. Throwing our goals away or giving up after going through a long process being many steps far from where it was started is so easy. Compared to setting our mind straight and having this constant go looking forward to each step we make, planning our strategies and making it happen. It’s something that pops in mind at times, and perhaps it’s a bad thing but I tend to get over it and continue my path.

Has anyone ever felt like this after looking at yourself and wondered how it’d be like to “blend in” with the crowd sort to say? How is it handled when it occurs and what are your responses to those who ask you why?

Ways To Grow: Having a Better Relationship With God

Growing up in church I never really understood how people knew so much of God. How they knew verses and people from the Bible. How their connection with God was big and how they always seem to go for more, displaying such a positive feeling, and fulfillment in their lives. Of course the new comers were easy to spot, they would always stand still, stare around the crowd, and perhaps that being because they have little knowledge on the word of God. I would be in that same position also. so how do they grow unto God mentally and spiritually? In what ways did they do to improve their growth even more?

Of course after we accept God into our lives, we feel better, but overtime it may become the usual almost going back to our old habits. Sometimes we care not to attend church ever so often because we feel demotivated to go, tends to feel like a job that we are forced to go. I understand there are things we have to get done as well, but I’ve also acknowledge that there are people who will ask them in a meaningful way why didn’t they attend church that day. It almost makes them feel like they should be ashamed and yet as stated above, it starts to feel as if we are forced to go. Instead if we are more informed about God and have greater connection with Him, worrying if we are going to church or not won’t become an issue because we always tend to want more.

Not until my late-teens/young adult life I began to have a more focused approach on the word of God. I began to ask questions and study what it meant to really have God in my life. I’ve still yet to learn, but I’m far ahead now from where I started. Not that I’m trying to be a “Jesus-freak” but I desire to have a more knowledgeable approach to God. Being used by God and having a better relationship with Him.

I’m sure there are many ways to improve ourselves in God, but I took down three qualities that have improved my relationship with Him and hopefully can improve yours’ as well.

  • Purposely learning
  • Be with people who know
  • Improve areas needed

First most, when we want to have a better connection/relationship with God we have to understand that we need to be informed about his teachings. Not that we should know the basics, but rather we have to have the need to always learn more about Him. We can’t just accept God into our lives and expect Him to use us in ways without having capable knowledge about Him. I’ve been one of those people that have always knew the Adam & Eve stories and Noah’s Ark growing up, but I never understood how these members in our church were touched or how they had great visions to share with us. I found out as we further read into the word of God, we start to have a better understanding of how God uses people, and as you continue to understand these events you become aware that when you want to have a deeper relationship with God, it vastly improves. It’s not an overnight result, more of a day after day event.

Being with people who are fulfilled with the word of God brings you closer than with those who have no knowledge about Him do. Why do they bring you closer to Him? Because they share insights with you and help you become a better person. Kind of like with that saying that states if you want to become something you’re interested in, be with those that are in the same field. Same applies to here as well. Not that I’m saying abandon your friends right now and find new people, rather cherish and spend much time possible with those that know the gospel. I have great friends I grew up, the amount of time we spent together is endless, but I have learned that when I speak to them about God, they are not informed. I want to improve my relationship with God, so what I do is find people that know His word. It might sound like a meaningful approach, but it’s a way I see it in order to improve our connection. And of course I know we can all find a balance between the two.

The third quality I’d like to share is that as we are learning more and having a better relationship with God, we should value what we’ve learned and look for areas that are needed for improvement. What I mean by this is I’m asking myself “What are my weaknesses that are needed to be improved for having a better relationship with Him?” I know I have weaknesses that are still needed to be improved. What I do is try calling them out and plan on ways to improve them. There are some people that may not be very good at casting a prayer or translating a message from the Bible. And then there are those of the complete opposite where they can say a prayer, up to 30 minutes or so, it’s to be acknowledge and valued. It’s such a great quality they’ve gained, it should be used for even bigger growth.

The three qualities I’ve described are what I use to improve my relationship with God. Over time it’s really helped me and hope it can help you as well. It’s played such a role in my life that, as I continue to understand the gospel clearly, it’s become such value to me. I understand there are other ways that help people improve as well when i spoke with other people in the same situation, and what are those features? What helps you bring you to that level where you have a better relationship with Him?

Disciplining Ourselves: What Does It Take

Is discipline really that hard for us? If we apply it within ourselves can we be capable of getting used to it that it no longer becomes discipline? I’ve read many stories of people being well disciplined to complete a goal they had set. Is it beneficial for us or bad? If it is, what ways help you stay disciplined?

According to Merriam Webster’s dictionary, discipline is punishment, obsolete: instruction, field of study or a training that molds, perfects the mental or moral character.

As kids we are often disciplined because we are confused we don’t know what we are doing and as a way to better understand it, we often result in being disciplined from mom and dad. The same method transitions into our adult lives, not by our parents, but within ourselves. When we want to reach new heights we have to understand that discipline has to be applied, its a key of series. A great quote I heard was motivation keeps you going, but discipline helps you grow.

I’ve always loved sports being involved in programs after school such as soccer and basketball. At first it was very difficult. Getting up in the morning, going out to jog for 30 minutes, coming back to eat breakfast, and do strength training few hours afterwards. I didn’t want to do it, but time after time I kept putting it in my head that I have to. There’s no if’s or but’s just go out there and practice. Allen Iverson quotes, “Practice? We’re talking about practice.” I just didn’t desire getting up that early. Disciplining myself however has really helped. People I’ve met and close friends would all ask how am I capable of waking up so early to run? I just tell them I got used to it. The results that year was the best and all leaded to one thing, disciplining myself.

Now that I’m getting into my young adult life, I find it difficult finding ways to stay disciplined, as a way of being consistent. I desire to start a new project, something that I have visioned for, but the lack of committing myself and focusing towards it fades away through time. Anyone else relating with the same issue?

There are several ways I remember I kept myself disciplined. It started out with a push. I tried looking for someone with the same mindset as myself. Hearing their experiences motivated me which is also key. I needed that one person to push me so I can get a head start and continue. Kind of like when a small boy is learning to start to ride a bike. The father pushes him and the child will start to get a feeling for it. The same went with me. After entering that lifestyle I grabbed great knowledge of what I will be dealing with. Part of that push to continue forward with disciplining myself, I felt that I needed to be motivated as well. Why motivation? Because I know the outcome will be greater. If I wasn’t motivated at the time, any discipline wouldn’t have happened nor any of the hard work I did.

As I come to conclude this post, just think about any of the projects you’ve compromised in the past. If you are starting a new project/goal, will the methods of disciplining yourself be the same as previously? How do you keep yourself on the correct path without falling over or where would you begin with disciplining yourself?