Tag Archives: Leadership

Gossiping: How It Dissolves A Community

Whether being at a church or at work, we have to acknowledge that gossiping brings down the organization. I heard it best as being the “cancer” of the organization, and it shouldn’t be tolerated and removed immediately. It’s probably happened to us all, where we somehow get sucked into their circle, and hear it continuously day after day that we don’t know what to do about it, eventually we start joining in on their conversations.

Richard Steele states that fire and swords are slow engines of destruction, compared to the tongue of a gossip. We see it everywhere from television, magazines, and radio; it’s what keeps the entertainment industry going, but how do you handle a gossiper?

Several years ago at our church, we had a much larger congregation than what we have now. Everyone had a very great vibe, the enthusiasm was there and it really did seem close to perfect. We had visitors coming in and considered themselves already members because they were quickly attracted to the organization. Guest speakers from other countries would come visit and pastors from other churches as well.

As this congregation grew to a substantial size, we have to note that it becomes much difficult when it comes to dealing with what each individual has to say, and not everyone comes from the same background. We gave roles to people who we thought were trustworthy and had great skills in dealing with situations. The results went well, everything seemed stable until we had one new member who stood out from all of them.

She was very polite and generous. Every time you asked her for something her response would be positive, but there would be this other side of her outside the organization. Calling other members and gossiping about other members around her with who did what, when it happened and why she thinks it happened. It was nonsense, the reaction of other people would be to avoid joining in on the conversation but the problem is that they soak all the negativity in, and they soon start to do the same as well.

The counselors of the church were aware of the problem but it seems they didn’t confront the problem with her because they were afraid drama would spill all around, but my thoughts are they have no clue that gossips can bring down an organization quick.

Gossip soon created barriers within the organization. Some members would look at each other differently, with the mentality of the ‘he said she said’ thinking due to the fact they’ve soaked up so much gossip. The vibe and enthusiasm were different. At such a rapid rate, the church seem to have lost its momentum and half the members started heading their separate ways.

The leader found out who the main person was bringing in the gossip and it was confronted with her. She didn’t take it in too nicely and soon headed out her own separate way. The problem here however was that she still kept in touch with existing members of the organization. By doing this she was implanting negativity to take inside the organization. Soon after, the same affect started happening again where gossiping started to rise and no one was aware of where it mostly was coming from. Again the organization started dissolving quickly. This time it did ruin some great relationships within people. It’s sad to see some people go because of false rumors they thought were true yet are the victim of this spreading.

The problem here is that a gossiper is only good at gossiping. You cannot stop it, no matter how you look at it. Perhaps if a gossip is gossiped about, that may turn the tides a little, but overall you have to take the approach of a gossip seriously.

The leader had just about enough of all this going on. One of the ways gossiping was handle was that they removed her and anyone else associated or still in communication with her. Perhaps it’s a tough thing but in order to get ride of this, we have to cut the process in which gossiping is being flown. Before they asked those close and in communication with her to be removed, they confronted them all individually asking to please stop any form of communication with her. Some agreed while others continued; they were asked to leave. Now the organization is bouncing back up with a right mentality and strong bond with one another.

I think one of the methods that could’ve stopped the spread of rumors is we have to confront a gossiper as soon as they spill. Not doing so in time, will result in dissolving of the company or organization quickly. If they continue after being confronted against, they have to be removed, and tell those in communication with them to avoid gossiping as much possible.

What do you do when you see gossiping taking place in your business or organization. Do you confront it quickly or best avoid it? What have been your past experiences when dealing with a gossip? Has the outcome affected you deeply and those around you? It’s something we should be prepared to handle.


Mark of A Leader

“The true mark of the leader is the willingness to stick with a bold course of action – an unconventional business strategy, a unique product-development program, a controversial marketing campaign – even as the rest of the world wonders why you’re not marching in steps with status quo. In other words, real leaders are happy to zig while others zag. They understand that in an era of hyper-competition and non-stop disruption, the only way to stand out from the crowd is to stand for something special.” – Bill Taylor

Forgiving Our Emotions

Have your emotions caused a significant impact with you and those around you recently? Have they been a distraction from completing your tasks and goals? There are many great quotes about emotions, especially anger. Aristotle states that anybody can become angry-it’s easy, but to be angry at the right person and to the right degree and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way- that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy. How has anger played out with you?

Recently there’s been many changes going on around the people I enjoy being with, but their emotions have played a significant role. In the work-place area one of our team-members hasn’t been able to work with us because they just had surgery, so everyone had to have a change of plans, and organize themselves to do their roles in a much more structural manner that could still benefit us all.

At first we had trouble, we weren’t adapting to the new changes we had to make over that period of time. Members would lack in time of completing their tasks and blaming others would occur on the spot. Some would say “If you could’ve finished this task much sooner, we would’ve been caught up by now.” After hearing this how will the person receiving this feel? He didn’t go up to him to discussed about the issue on their own time, instead he held all the negativity in. And what happens when we hold on to negativity that causes us to create angry emotions? It blows up.

As he worked over these last few days, he kept holding on to his anger. You could see it in his face he was trying his best to hold it in. He couldn’t. As soon as they blamed at him again, he bashed out onto everyone and snapped. He shouted how much he hated everyone and didn’t want to see them. Threw his tools and other people’s belongings to the ground with force and flew right off the door. Nobody said anything, it was quiet for a minute. As he left, the person in charge has to take action because he was being driven by excessive emotion. He had to be guided on controlling his emotions in a better matter, and he did just that. As soon as someone is going through anger emotions it’s best to let them take some space, but also we have to confront the situation right away because it may get worse.

Buddha states that holding on to emotion is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. When you express your anger towards someone we have to realize that the one receiving the anger will not be affected, rather it will be yourself. I went through this recently as well. Although I felt like I never was did well at holding my emotions in, I’ve improved at finding better ways to express and relief them in a more convenient manner.

There’s this special person I enjoy talking with, we talk about everything. When ever I have anything to say or show about any topic, she is the one who I go to first because I want to see what she has to say. We tend to resolve each others issues and give advice that would benefit one another.

A special day for her comes up, and I start thinking what can I give her that I know will show how much I appreciate her. I’m not very good with making these type of decisions, it felt as if time passed by quickly as I began to think this over repeatedly. As the day finally hit, I already made gift reservations that I know she would enjoy, the only problem was that she wasn’t going to expect it to arrive til next month, which was weeks to come. She said it was okay, I had no need to worry, but somehow I was still caught up with it that no it was not okay because of the scheduled date the item would arrive. The next day I’m informed that she doesn’t need it because she’s happy with what she’s got. The way I read this drove me completely off guard. I didn’t know what to say, and my frustrating emotions couldn’t be held in. I had to tell her that her response was nothing more but a selfish act. She didn’t take it too kindly. It felt as if both of us didn’t have a complete understanding.

After unleashing my frustration towards her, I realized that in reality it didn’t make any damage to her but rather to myself, she didn’t want to speak to me at the time. Not that I was saddened by the issue but by noticing that just a few days prior, we spoke to each other how we normally did before the releasing of excessive emotions. And it’s unbelievable how emotions can change everything in an instant. One day you are in a positive mood, the next day you are in a negative. I had to speak with her quickly and couldn’t hold back any longer. It felt like I affected her by changing the way we view each other now, and I had to take action. I think by not resolving the issue quickly would’ve made things much worse, as I previously stated. She had to acknowledge that I was driven by frustration at the time and didn’t think before I spoke. I’m not sure if its changed our bond but we’ve had prior arguments before as well and we both came to agreement to avoid these conflicts as much as possible.

Looking back at this whole conflict over one small thing just seemed so silly. Not that I want it to come off as offending to her, but rather knowing that I made one small issue into a large one. Resulting in time wasted that could’ve been gained to further improve ourselves and discuss on more important issues that would help us both. It became a distraction would you say. Instead it resulted of loss interest, not speaking to each other and negative vibe between us. We have to forgive our emotions because they can make an negative impact on us and those around. She is one of the very few key people I enjoy spending time with because of the motivation I gain with her to keep going forward, and the mindset of being on track with goals I’ve set myself with.

How have emotions played out with you in your experiences? What strategies do you use to control them at best? And how do you handle a situation when you witness someone being out of control with their emotions?

Addressing the Issue

I taught myself music growing up. My father would look through his set of Cd’s he had, and play them throughout the day. Some said how is it that I taught myself music so well? Only response to them was that the amount of music I used to listen to. I’d grab drum sticks and started hitting whatever I could see and turn it into a rhythm. My mother would always get upset with me because of the damage caused onto the furniture, and therefore I was given a practice pad soon moving to my very own drum set. As I got older, I began to have more confidence to step up and participate with the worship ministry at church. At the time we had two drum musicians, they would take turns, one plays Sundays, the other during the week. I don’t recall what happened, but some issue erupted between them. One started coming in less and less while the other began to be demotivated. We had another newcomer who just joined the team, but with his incredible drumming talent, he was often nervous. This at the time was the beginning for me.

It began right when we started prayer for offerings, I’m not sure what our drummer wanted to do. I think he wanted to use the restroom real quick, but that’s a long walk so he wouldn’t be back on time (I apologize also because I forgot this man’s name. I think it was Mario). My father comes up to me and says “Get up there, you can do this, you’re ready.” Now I’m sure many of you think these are motivating words and I would start getting in the mood, but I really was nervous. It was about the only time I can recall I felt completely nervous and indecisive if I should go up on stage and play in front of a huge crowd. The crowd knew who I was, but standing in front of them with all eyes on you is about nerve-racking as it gets.

Some of those around me started encouraging me, and finally I chosen to go. When I sat down, it was a great feeling, but I still felt nervous because I didn’t know what songs they had lined up. As they started singing, I quickly caught up with the rhythm; a 6/8 drum beat for my readers that are drummers. I began to gain more confidence, and as I finally got through worshiping, I observed around and noticed I had a broad view of the crowd.

This is just a little background of how I started my life playing music, but I’d like to share with you that musicians see everything. They may be distracted by getting so emotional into the music, but we see everything. What do I mean by everything? Everything as in seeing people’s attitude, the drama going on, kids causing trouble and the changes that have been made.

My number one thing; besides looking at our music group if they had failed a note, is I always had my eye on are people loving the way I’m playing? When we look into the crowd we see everyone’s body language and facial expressions. By reading these I had a good amount of knowledge if they were enjoying this or not. Sometimes I would watch the newcomers stand still not engaged at all, and that’s where I would try my best even more. It felt kind of like a ‘let me impress you’ feeling. When I saw them enthused and engaged into the music, I felt really good having the thought they’re enjoying what I’m doing. On some occasions it would be difficult for me to change a person’s attitude if they came in depressed or upset. Normally if they showed up with those signs, I always did my best because it’s what people come to church for right? To look for guidance and seek a positive spirit from others and God.

Being up front seeing when the girl I had a crush on was an advantage also. When I saw her walk in, she’d look at me and smile. I’m sure the whole crowd saw me blush at the moment because I was just madly in love with her at the time. There’s the disadvantage also because you’re looking at the entrance door hoping that some person doesn’t come in and once you know it, they come right in when least expected.

Apart from seeing everyone’s facial expressions, I saw how not solving people’s issues with one another distracted them from being involved at church. Especially with the girls within the youth. I saw one group sitting next to each other on one side, while the rest bunched up on the other side, I knew there was something going on. This is how gossiping started and bullying would go on without their parents knowing. Some women at our church also faced problems, they’d greet everyone except for that one person to avoid confrontation with. Only question I ask myself is why didn’t our musicians say anything? Do they keep it in to not make the issue much worse or do they not know how to address the problem?

Everyone didn’t say much either when big changes started happening at church as well. We knew a few people have made decisions not to be involved in our organization anymore, it affected two members in our music group. They enjoyed being around them but not being able to see or speak with them created motives to leave as well.

In a leadership prospective, it’s most likely you will come to a time where you can’t see what you’re team is doing, how do you make your team address the problem to you? One of the ways we handled these situations was having a sit down meet in the office to discuss matters. Another way was after the service was over, they’d make a personal phone call to the leader stating what happened.

What methods have you used in which your team can feel confident and kept confidential about it? Is there one person that has ‘your eyes’, and mentions every detail to you? These are some of the aspects to think about.


Path to Victory

“What is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory- victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory, however long and hard the road my be; for without victory, there is no survival.” -Winston Churchill

I love this quote from Mr. Churchill. When we have that mentality to win, there should be no alternatives for it. No matter the circumstances we must keep focus on one thing and it’s our path to victory.

Sticking Together: Ways to Bond (cont.)

As we have learned in the previous post about the ways to have a better bond with your team-members. Today lets finish up on the last three keys of these seven key series I wanted to share with you.

  • Focus on Them: It’s important that you focus on them and not most of the time on yourself. As part of being a good leader, you want your team to be the best they can and you must pull your attention to them guiding them in the correct direction. When you focus on them, you are growing and becoming better together.
  • Believe: You must believe in them that any project or goals can get accomplished. When you believe in them they become motivated and influence in getting things done. Not only does the business improve but the culture as well. The atmosphere is better and everyone is staying positive.
  • Offer Direction: I believe this is one of the strong keys to having greater bond with your team. When you guide them on the correct path, you are building their trust in you and confidently in the end, they will also guide someone else. There can always be bumps and bruises, but the outcome of guiding someone is always remarkable. When spectating a father guiding his son for the first time to ride a bike, you see how the father feels proud and overjoyed. That’s the same feeling we have when we guide, with that little bit of direction we have drawn them the map of where to go.

That wraps up the seven keys of what I believe are vital to helping create a better bond with you and your team.

  • Knowing Yourself
  • Communicating with Openness
  • Sharing your Vision
  • Getting on their Level
  • Focusing on Them
  • Believing
  • Offering Direction

In what ways have any of these keys helped? Are there examples you know of that the outcome was great? Have in thought to remember to apply these when you’re in need of creating a better culture and make it part of your strategies of business making decisions. I hope to see improvement in your business or organization if it’s slacking in making great connections within one another.



“The stronger the relationship and connection between individuals, the more likely the follower will want to help the leader.”

Opening Up: Churches Welcoming All

Over past years of visiting churches, I’ve witness different type of cultures many have. One thing most have in common is that we all have open arms to people who want to accept God into their lives. However, many can be judgmental towards these newcomers and not take notice that they may be offending him or her. We all have to show them that they chose the right thing to have God into their lives, and they are welcomed to participate in church activities as they keep attending. We have to keep growing them so they can be educated and at the same time improve themselves within. When we grow our members, we become a strong bond under God that the you can see how great and enthusiastic the culture is.

Waking up early on a Sunday morning, the radio being turned on, a preacher is preaching. He’s discussing what is proper and what is not. Arguing the fact that you should repent if you’re not doing the right thing. That things like not having desire to attend church is an act of the devil and you are a ridiculous sinner. I come to thought of why are we so judgmental towards one another? We all attend church, shouldn’t they be proud we already go to church? Judging that when we get to church and not praise Him a certain way is not acceptable, I don’t agree. When we come to church and worship, people have different ways how they worship Him. We don’t come to church to be judged, if we want to be judged go outside of church. We come inside to take all the weight off our backs, be influenced and motivated, making sure that we believe the rest of the week will be a blessed and prosperous week. They want to be around people who will care for them and guide them in life.

What I’ve seen is that when a newcomer is attending, most members don’t greet them right away. They have the leader mention them, and that’s where everyone will stand up to do so. I think they should’ve been greeted and welcomed the first time he stepped foot in the church. It’s a odd feeling coming into a church, everyone staring at you as you make your way to getting seated. It’s a matter of comforting them as they enter the building we are all part of God’s children. Guidance should be the first step. What do they know about God so far? Are they informed with the teachings of the bible? We must find what weak strengths they have and improve them so they can keep fulfilling themselves with God at the same time they can improve those around them as well. It’s a big discussion about how we approach newcomers. I believe most of them are sensitive, and like a new born baby, they will capture anything from the start. How can we improve our new members without offending them or making it seem as if we are being hard on them? How quick should they join in on our activities? We have to remember that these newcomers are coming with the mentality of the outside world, teaching them more about the word of God will improve the way they think.

Great Job: Giving Compliments

Remember the times when you were young playing some sort of sports activity? Basketball, soccer, football, just about anything. You would turn to the stands to find out that your dad or parents are watching you closely to see if you can do something dramatic.
I remember playing soccer in school back in the day, and it motivated me enough to play better every time I saw my dad make it to the game. I would play much better, concentrated and do something for a change. There were times when I just couldn’t do anything. Following the game returning home, I would be upset walking straight to the dinner table and discussed what happened during the game while having dinner with my parents.
We would talk what strategies might have been better. What could I do for my team to improve. I have it my all but coach was always upset at us for not doing what we thought was enough. Further more at the end of our discussion I felt unmotivated. I didn’t want to do anything anymore. Something however struck me, my father would always compliment me on how great I played out there. He didn’t make it sound as if he just threw it out there, but it felt like he said I was still looked well playing out there (what I think). These compliments he would say felt great. A vast majority of these are part of the reason why I was still motivated to work on my gameplay the following day.
If we apply this to our personal lives and in the work place, we build great bonds with the people we work with. We become a team! What I noticed was that in the work environment, often we never receive a compliment. A co-worker I once worked with said to me he never received a compliment for his work in four years. I was speechless. Great man, seems very loyal to his work and great to talk to. But I wanted to know why hasn’t he received any compliments. Was the manager that selfish being not able to compliment people around him? It’s interesting I was reading an article that most people haven’t been applauded to or received compliments since graduation. But they say “you don’t understand, I don’t have time for that.” No, you do have time for that. It doesn’t take that much time of your day to go out and compliment someone. Complimenting someone not only will make them feel better at what they’re doing, but also it will motivate them to be even better. They are confident, they have a clear understanding and they will get motivated at what they do. It’s not that difficult. When we compliment we build our relationship even better.
When was the last time you complimented someone at your workplace. Maybe your team never heard you compliment them since they were first hired and upon hearing great job the first three days on the job, they never heard of it again. Giving compliments makes us feel better about ourselves. We build stronger trust and a leader needs trust. It’s part of the process. Compliments are key. How do you compliment people? Your staff and personally people you meet. Any given thoughts you have or questions regarding the post.

Planning Ahead

Planning ahead is part of being a leader. Without it, we fall into place we never thought of and makes the process that much more difficult to accomplish. John C. Maxwell’s book on “21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership” he states anyone can steer a ship, but can they steer it through the rough waters? Looking at this I think planning ahead puts your team at lower risk of failure. The example of how the author portrays a two men leading their crew down to Antarctica. One prepared as ever while the other not so prepares. Obviously looking at this both the leader and his men successfully reached their. Unfortunately for the other crew, most of its members hardly made it. They got there of course, but results were frostbite, death, and starvation leaving their food on route.
So what so we learn from this? Planning ahead is part of the leadership process. If you have a team and want to accomplish a certain goal, we must build the blue print in order to succeed the results. Lets not forget also, with less risk involved as well.